1. Wearing white will naturally draw the sharks to you. Note (this is important): Survivors maintain spotless white clothing despite the frequency and severity of attacks.
2. Wear heavy black eyeliner, people. This is what a survivor looks like:
3. Bossy boyfriends who think they know more than sharks will die. Also: best friends, dogs and alcoholics.
4. The jury's still out on whether sharks have good eyesight, but it is believed that they can see high contrast. Are you white? Stay out of the water.
5. Do you live near an old folks' home? Stop it.
Sharks like to land in the pools of retirement homes.
6. If your plane is attacked by a shark, it's okay to use the air marshall's gun, watch as sharks eat him, and then shoot the shark to death with the air marshall's firearm.
Air marshalls are expendable. Tara Reid is not.
7. Let's review defense mechanisms: Guns. #science
9. Bombs, hand grenades. Fact: They will blow up sharks.
10. This picture is not from the appropriate timeframe to be relevant to the current shark people-eating crisis. If you share it on Facebook, you will protect your loved ones from shark attacks. #truth